“The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” Betty White
Betty White is right. Now in the last quarter of my life, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve become able to respect myself and expect the same from others; talents that eluded me for decades. I no longer kowtow to those who hold themselves falsely superior. I remain comfortable in my skin.
As I become increasingly solid inside, love for family and friends grows. I can expand into greater heartfelt generosity to others. I fill my life with more beauty and joy than ever before. Creating ink drawings delights me daily. Writing humorous essays tickles my funny bone.
However, something in my inner life is askew. Betty White’s caveat about the banana is sobering. Like this fruit, I will age out. I don’t look forward to the demise that awaits all living beings. It sounds miserable.
However, I’m encouraged that, during my span of years, I accomplished other hard things, besides inner growth. As a professor, I taught young adults, some of whom had no desire to be in my required class. I found it a big challenge to keep them awake. Studies show that public speaking is one of people’s worst horrors; some fear it worse than death. Using humor and walking around among the students helped all of us. If I made peace with handling large groups, according to the studies, I should be able to also deal with the dying process.
I worked as a volunteer for Hospice Hawaii, caring for the dying, for six years. I learned from each person’s journey. Quiet Lani requested a room where she could watch who went in and out of the front door, vitally interested in her surroundings. I hope to remain curious and involved up to the end. Another patient, Jack, was a hummer, always peaceful, as if his voice soothed him. Whether he couldn’t talk or was simply an introvert, I never knew. When I recognized the tune, I’d hum along with him, which he seemed to enjoy. I always looked forward to Jack. I hope I’m still making music at the end.
Lani and Jack inspire me. Perhaps I might do another difficult task: find a way to be positive about life’s final stages. It’s a worthy endeavor, filled with possibilities to explore.
While meditating, I can imagine being relaxed and aware throughout my future last moments. So far, I’m optimistic, even though I’m in the banana category.
