“Vulnerability is the best place of innovation, creativity and change.” Brene Brown
The problem with Brene Brown’s statement is that it feels terrible to be vulnerable. My hands get clammy. I sweat and think I can never pull another drawing off again.
Yet, according to Dr. Brown, I’m in a good place when I begin a new piece of art, feeling like a fool staring at blank paper. How can I believe in myself and create a drawing that passes muster in the eyes of my New York art gallery owner? He has faith in me and regularly exhibits my finished work.
I usually start because a deadline looms. As I assemble my tools – pens and inks in a rainbow of hues – I’m comforted by this well-known process. Next, I draw sketches that are abstract doodles containing thousands of tiny lines. Once five or six pages of these are completed, I gaze at their random designs until I see forms, perhaps clouds, animals or faces. I draw further to highlight dark and light areas making the imagined vision more realistic. When these shapes are complete, I cut them out and re-arrange them into a collage, making changes until I determine a final composition.
I add more colors. As the drawing nears completion. I observe it upside down and sideways to make sure it’s strong from all vantage points. I add details for weeks until I feel a sense of satisfaction.
This is a lonely process, the way I like it because I’m an introvert and I treasure silence. However, I have only myself to judge the new work. I know I’m not objective when I spend so much time on a vision.
When I first show friends, family or my art dealer the new pieces, I hold my breath, part of me still doubting myself; that’s what vulnerability feels like. According To Brene Brown, I’m right where I’m supposed to be, but it’s a hard place.
When my viewers notice the fascinating details that captured me, it seems to be a miracle. I feel as if I communicated the inexpressible – wonder and joy. At this point, I understand and appreciate the uncertainty I went through to arrive at a successful interaction.
